17,155 days closer to death thanks to butt cleavage, gluten ninjas and 5 year old entrepreneurs.
High waisted shorts with under butt cleavage freak me out. Camel toe + butt cleavage + long zipper rises + cropped shirt = I am old. When I was a youngling we wore one or the other.. crop top with long pants AND socks over said pants.. or the shorts with a long shirt over them buttoned up high with shoulder pads and of course….socks. Apparently we had foot circulation problems in the ’80s and our feet were always chilly. What was I even talking about again…
This morning as usual I went to Whole Foods. Why? Cauliflower. I see the same sad people in there every morning. They say.. “enjoy that Cauliflower with lemon and parsley goodness grown in fields where angels have kissed it there little lady” and I say back “hey there cowboy congrats on avoiding the gluten ninjas and enjoy that GMO free snack with flaxseed made by bunnies laughter”.. but we say it with our eyes.. our sad eyes. Actually I don’t make eye contact with anyone as I steal straws and leave with my yuppie reusable bag into the parking structure of lost GMO and gluten filled souls.
Kids have a lemonade stand on a street that links two major pass ways through town.. so much traffic passes they had to install – wrong word – provide – speed bumps to cause more traffic every 3 feet. I don’t think one person on that street has backed out of their driveway without being at a 45 degree angle. There is the lemonade stand dead in the middle of the block. Where are the Prius’ to park to get this zesty relief? Not only that.. it’s not even hot out. Perhaps a sign at the end of either street directing you to the thirst quenching destination? And once I have trekked the Rockies to get to your stand after parking in Pinocchio and riding the tram over the bumps o’plenty… where are the FAQ’s? Are they pesticide free lemons grown locally and transported in on the backs of Unicorns? I didn’t see one no GMO sign or debit card symbol. Amateurs. They will be running an adult novelty shop in a strip mall as adults with that business sense. 5 year olds… sigh.